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  • Writer's pictureTony Mueller

10 Things to NEVER Say to Your Partner

Updated: Mar 7, 2023

An intimate personal relationship is one of the greatest joys in life, and it's something that should be cherished. Unfortunately, there are times when heated exchanges can occur, leading to hurtful words being said out of anger or frustration. It's important to remember that words have the power to deeply wound a partner emotionally, so it's important to be mindful of the words we choose when communicating. Here are 10 things you should never say to your partner:

1. "You don't understand me."

Saying “you don’t understand me” may make you feel better in the moment, but unfortunately it won’t help strengthen the connection between you and your partner. Rather than putting out statements that can make them feel devalued and unappreciated, try expressing yourself honestly and openly. Explain what they are missing or not understanding.

2. "You're wrong."

It can be tempting to just say "you're wrong" when things don't go the way you want them to, but it's important to remember that this often causes more hurt than help. Instead of arguing over who is right or wrong, focus on understanding each other's perspectives and looking for mutually beneficial solutions. When both sides work together with empathy and understanding, couples are more likely to find a middle ground that satisfies everyone.

3. "You always/never do this..."

When someone makes a statement beginning with "You always/never do this...", it can cause hurt feelings and damage relationships. Instead of blanket statements, it's important to remember that communication is foundational in any relationship. Both parties need to be clear about their feelings and intentions - expressing yourself honestly and openly will ultimately help create stronger relationships. Rather than relying on simple, potentially damaging statements, try to communicate in a way that fosters understanding rather than reinforces negative assumptions.

4. "My ex used to do it better."

Making comparisons - particularly those involving exes - can be damaging to our current relationships. It can create an environment of insecurity and comparison, and spark unhealthy feelings of inadequacy which will then further strain the relationship. Rather than using our experiences with a past partner as tools to measure current relationships by, take it upon yourself to celebrate the unique qualities of your current partner, because no one can do it better! These comparisons are not only unhelpful, but they will also make your partner feel threatened and insignificant.

5. "Just get over it already."

“Just get over it already” is not a constructive way to deal with disagreements and can cause more damage than good. Instead of talking to your partner this way, take a moment to calm down and discuss what happened in a more understanding manner. When both people feel that their emotions are being acknowledged and respected, they will be more confident in the harmony of the relationship which is central to a successful long-term union. This statement fails to acknowledge the feelings of your partner and can be dismissive and condescending.

6. "It's not a big deal."

When your partner says it's a big deal, be sure to listen and try to put yourself in their shoes before brushing off their concerns. It can be difficult in the moment, but practicing this level of empathy will strengthen your connection over time and help you both grow closer together.

7. "You're being irrational."

When one partner tells the other they are being irrational, it can do real damage to the bond between both individuals. It is important to keep that in mind when making such comments. Instead of shutting them down by attacking their emotions, try to understand where they are coming from and express yourself calmly. If their feelings feel unfounded, take some time apart to both gain perspective and approach the situation again with an open mind.

8. "That didn't bother me."

When one partner chooses to minimize their feelings or problems in a relationship, it can be extremely damaging. Not expressing one's emotions or avoiding open dialogue leaves both partners in an unhealthy place where they can easily become disconnected from each other. We must find ways to express ourselves, even if it feels hard at first so that our relationships remain strong.

9. "I'm not like other people."

When one person says "I'm not like other people," it can be an indication that one partner doesn't feel fully appreciated or valued. Rather than saying this, focus on expressing your uniqueness while also recognizing your partner's individual qualities - even if they differ from yours!

10. "No one else has these problems."

It can be difficult to understand each other and make compromises, but that doesn't mean your partner's issue is any less valid than another's. Show empathy, and provide understanding and support to your partner in times of difficulty and distress. Your words can make a big difference in helping them navigate tough situations. Instead of invalidating their experience by claiming no one else has the same problems, demonstrate your willingness to support them through their struggles. Relationships are about being there for each other and it's important to remember that during hard times.

Personal relationships require communication, understanding, and respect to work out in the long run. Be mindful of what you say and be sure to choose your words carefully when communicating with your partner.

By following the tips above, you can ensure that your relationships remain strong and healthy. Remember that words have the power to hurt or heal - so choose wisely! Happy communicating!

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